Well I thought I would try this whole blogging thing. I have so much on my mind. the one thing I have on my mind most is my black Lab, Cocoa. It has been a week on Wednesday that James and I put her down. It still hurts so much. I have so many questions, and question myself on the decision we made. I wonder of she is ok, if she did go to a better place or is a better place a state of mind. I thought that I would be able to feel her presence around the house, but I haven't felt a thing yet,and it scares me that she isn't ok where she is. I did dream of her though it took longer than I thought. It was a crazy dream, a dream that scares me as well. I dreamt that James and I had her put down and we were at home 3 days later, and Cocoa came to her door, and I was so happy to see her,but very confused. All I could think was this possible I sat there and watched her pass away. So I went to the Vet. that put her down,and I was pissed. I asked the Vet. what happened, and she replied well we didn't give her enough medicine to make her die, and so I have been keeping her in a cage with no food or water until I had time to do it again. Oh I was heated and she said well you can bring her back and we can do it again and I told her hell no I am keeping Cocoa. This dream scared me for the simple fact that Cocoa wasn't being taken care of. I would take care of her and I did take care of her. Cocoa always had food, water, a warm place to stay in the winter, and a cool place to stay in the summer. She went to the Vet. every year for her annual check-ups and shots. She went to the Vet. when she got sick or had some thing pop on her body that I couldn't figure it out then she went to the Vet. to get it figured out and fixed. All I can seem to do is think of her and how much of an awesome dog she truly was. I just need that peace of mind that she is ok, and that she is in a better place being taken care of. There are so many dogs out there, and I have never been as touched by one as Cocoa. Cocoa showed me that even when things suck in life you never give up. I just wish people could understnad that all I wanna do is stay at home, in the home were Cocoa's memories are all around. Home is a sense of her still being there. There are pictures every room has some laugh of Cocoa. I don't want ot do anything or go anywhere. I just want to be home right now. I miss her so much and it is going to take me awhile to deal with her being gone. Cocoa was my first animal I ever had to do this too, and I do believe the pain is much more than what meets the eye. When you have to put down your first dog,maybe you will understnad what I am going through. Dogs become part of the family, and when you loose a part of your family, you will not feel complete as a family for quit sometime. I still have Angel, Elvis, and Precious, but none of them can take the place of Cocoa. Angel seems to be taking it the hardest out of all of them. I am unsure how to comfort her. I will try though,try to make her understnad that Cocoa is gone, and it isn't a bad thing that she is around in spirit, and that she doesn't have to be scared that something is going to happen to her like Cocoa. I love all my babies, and miss my wonderful Cocoa Puff.